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tapestry

When we rise to greet each day the questions begin spilling forth faster than the coffee can brew.  ‘Am I going to be on time to work?’  ‘Is that doctor’s appointment today?’  ‘Is there enough money in the checking account to pay the bills this week?’   But few have ever had to ask the question Suzie Lawyer is forced to answer daily, ‘how will I raise my six children all by myself on this day?’ 

The Lawyer family’s story was gliding along nearly fairy tale lines until tragedy struck three years ago, as it so cruelly does, with zero notice.   Kevin picked up his six children from school that afternoon fully unaware of the accident that would take his life only moments from uttering a goodbye, ‘Baby you’re hot‘ to his beautiful wife.   One father went home to the God he loved passionately that day, while his children and wife remained stunned in gaping loss.

Life seemed to shatter in an instant for the Lawyer family and yet life continued at breakneck speed in the world that surrounded them.   When dealing with such devastation it feels like all of life should come to a screeching halt.  It feels like the world should stop and take notice of the preciousness of what’s been lost.  But, it doesn’t.  Life just keeps moving.   How many people ever stop to consider the possibility that the sullen person standing beside them in the grocery line may have just lost their husband a week earlier?

How has Suzie summoned the strength to lead her family over these last three years?  A continual dependence on God pulls her out of bed every morning to face the world as a single mother to her 6 children.  She trusts in the promise that God will be true to His Word and redeem what’s been lost.  She knows He can bring beauty from ashes and promises to do so in her life.  She’s fully aware that on this side of eternity she’ll never know why she’s had to walk this road of suffering and loss and that’s where the trust comes in. 

The life of every family is bound up in a story that weaves its path into that of so many others waiting to be told.  Suzie’s favorite illustration to help her cope is that of a tapestry.  Viewed from the back all you see is a tangle of interwoven threads that appear to have no rhyme or reason to them, until you turn it over and beauty is on display.  Suzie’s tangled web of threads this side of eternity will be shown for the beautiful tapestry her life was creating when she meets her Savior face to face.

If only grieving came with a schedule, but it’s an unpredictable, hard to be wrangled beast.  There are always ‘firsts’ without Dad, and they just keep coming, even after 3 years.   Some are easy to anticipate so you know to brace yourself; others sneak up on you in ways that leave you gasping for air.  

This was the first Lawyer family portrait since Kevin died.  For years Suzie resisted officially recording their ‘new’ family because it would just be so obvious that Kevin was gone.  Who would voluntarily sign up for that kind of painful acknowledgement? 

Suzie’s decision to have a family portrait session was at the urging of her oldest children.  I get the sense that there is a desire to point to the triumph of the human will in the midst of such devastating loss.  ‘Look, we’re still here and we are still a family, despite the hell we’ve gone through.’  The children even thanked Suzie on their way home for taking this step to record their family in ways they will be able to point back to years from now.

Healing is taking place at all different levels within the Lawyer family, there are steps forward and there are steps backward.   Suzie lost the man she loved since she was 16, the man who showed her the security and joy  that could be found within family.  Grieving that kind of loss is not something that has a scheduled healing process.  There’s no list of items to check off to mark when healing has occurred.   Grieving just doesn’t contain itself in neat boxes as we’d like.

I knew the significance of this session to the kids so I wanted this to be an experience that left them anticipating what we had C A P T U R E D despite the loss that would be evident.  I worked to include their suggestions, let them choose spots for their portraits and tried to highlight their individual and corporate interests so they would be seen for the beautiful young men and women they are becoming. 

It was near the end of the session and initially the idea was that the kids would get their feet wet in the stream.   They were more than eager to oblige and had a blast stomping around!  When we realized all the recent rain would have them sinking 6 inches into the muddy stream bed mom could have freaked out and instead chose to let them enjoy it and  C A P T U R E  shots that speak to childhood joy.  (thank You Lord no one fell in all the way!)

Natalie Grant’s lyrics to “Held” couldn’t fit the Lawyer family better:

“Who told us we’d be rescued

What has changed and

Why should we be saved from nightmares

We’re asking why this happens to us

Who have died to live, it’s unfair

If hope is born of suffering

If this is only the beginning

Can we not wait, for one hour

Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive, this is what it means to be held. 

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We’d be held.”

  1. Brenda Harris says:

    OMG!!

    Sometimes in life it is difficult to tell the story of what one might see as a disaster. It takes courage and belief to make it all come to life. While in our struggles we must always know that we are gaining strength. I believe that eveyone in life has a tapestry and the outcome unfolds based on belief.

    I am filled with awe of how the photographs and words together allow tthe tapestry to come alive. Wow!! What a beautiful piece of Art!!! I am convinced that the gifted eyes that looks through the lens of this camera has to be driven by the Master.

    Thank you for sharing Jennifer and I pray that you will contiue to use your gift to help others heal and make HIM smile.

    I

  2. Chris DiDio says:

    Suzie,

    It is just amazing to watch your family thrive as God continues to bless and keep you!

  3. Mayson Lawyer says:

    Thanks Miss Jen so much for taking your time to take these pictures!! They're beautiful!

  4. Reggie says:

    Okay, Now this is a great place to start promoting that book that we have been waiting for. The larger world needs to hear your story of struggle and triumph. We are cheerleading behind the sidelines. You have always been an inspiration to me. That has never changed. Your faith keeps mine in place.You rock with Jesus THE ROCK.

  5. Kristie says:

    First, let me say that these pictures are amazing! They not only capture the beauty of this family and the incredible love that they have for each other, but they tell the amazing story of strength, faith, and love! Suz, you are one of my dearest friends, and I am so blessed that God has given us this friendship, but more than anything, you are an amazing inspiration to me! YEP…I love you and your kiddos tons and tons!!!

  6. Courtney says:

    Beautiful.

  7. Kathi Roach says:

    Jennifer, you did an OUTSTANDING job as always.
    Suzie, I love you so much!!!!!! You're doing it girl. xoxoxo

  8. Nicole Hunsicker says:

    B E A U T I F U L & P R I C E L E S S!!!!
    Jennifer, you have such a gift to capture the heart of people through your pictures. These are amazing and the love they have for each other shines through. I can only imagine how amazing the rest of the pictures are. Thank you for sharing!!!

  9. Amy McLamb says:

    These are beautiful pictures. My favorite is the black and white of the kids kissing you. I'm glad the kids talked you into it.

  10. Dawn DeMario says:

    This was a beautiful gift for me…Thank you for sharing! Both of your families are amazing and a true testimony that GOD IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS!!!

  11. Marcy says:

    Suzie,
    WOW!!! Beautiful, what a wonderful expession of the power of GOD. Your family is amazing and continue to be a witness of God's love!: The pictures are breathtaking! What a beautiful family you have! : )
    Love You!
    Marcy

  12. Mindy says:

    WOW – the pictures are almost amazing as the Lawyer family – you continue to inspire me beyond words……….BEAUTIFUL BEAUTUIFUL BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. Julie says:

    Wow, Jennifer! I am sitting here in tears looking at the beautiful, amazing pictures you snapped. Ahhh, what a story and what reflection. God is the Ultimate Healer and is the only One who can breathe life and shine light amidst such pain and loss. Thanks for sharing your gift!

  14. Aunt Jenn :) says:

    Absolutely beautiful!!!!! Best. Family. Ever!!!! Jennifer, you are so talented. These pictures are just amazing. 🙂

  15. Christine says:

    teary-eyed and speechless

  16. Lauren says:

    THESE ARE AWESOME!!!!! I WANT ONE FOR MY DORM ROOM!!!!!

  17. KT says:

    Great pictures! :))))))

  18. Beth says:

    These pictures and the story is absolutely wonderful!! God is surely working in this family! What a testimony to all who see them together. God Bless you Lawyer family 😀

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